Court Fight
It wasn't an easy transition to single motherhood. In the get go, Justin was very controlling and kept flaking on times to see the kids. And yet he kept wanting to fight me to agree with 50/50.
I had to call the cops a couple times because he showed up at my house and refused to leave. He wouldn't take our daughters schedule into consideration and kept wanting to take her during her nap time and when I would refuse, he would get mad and claim I am keeping the kids from him.
Around two weeks after he left, he came by after work to say goodnight to the kids. He started flirting with me and making obscene comments about my body. He felt me up in the kitchen and when I tried to stop him he said I was still his wife, so what harm was there to be intimate with each other. Even though I knew better, I gave in because I was still under his control. Yet, he still refused to talk to me, so I knew he was only using me for sex.
We kept getting into fights over finances and otherwise. He had taken his phone off my account and racked up a bunch of charges he was refusing to pay for.
He has a HUGE money issue. The year previous he bought his car, remember? And then an X_Box one? Well, we were behind on bills at the time then he lost his job. We were playing catch up for months. In December he got a bump in the money he gets quarterly for being alive (I am not going to detail what it is) and he spent almost 700$ on purely video games ALONE in 29 days. Another 300 on fast food, which I didn't eat much of so it was all him. But we barely could afford Christmas that year.
In February, he had his car repossessed because it was four months behind. So that took a big chunk of tax returns. And we had debt collectors at our heels for his medical bills he refused to pay and we got served papers and had to pay those off. And yet he was still buying video games and splurging money. In October he had spent 140$ on third party purchases on our phone account. In March just before he left he charged 60$ from Pokemon GO and I had to pay it because he refused.
He was told by his lawyer that he had to continue paying my bills until court. So thankfully he had no say in that department. But he did constantly complain, because to him I should work and I wasn't 'providing' for my kids, even though it was impossible with zero outside help and child care being so expensive.
My family, thankfully, was able to help me with paying for my lawyer and any of the kids needs. Although it meant selling my step dad's truck, which even though it had been sitting for a while, it was supposed to go to my oldest son. And now instead it was paying for my divorce and custody fight. Kody refused to give me any kind of cash to buy things for the kids and even when I asked for diapers, he would refuse to buy them for me, saying they have some at his house and if I can't afford it maybe I should get a job or let them stay with him. He loved making it seem like I couldn't raise my kids the right way. Or take care of them.
One day I rearranged the living room and he came by to see the kids and saw it and instantly his mood changed and he got pissed at me. It was like he didn't want me to change my life around, and focus still on him without actually being with him.
He kept trying to sext with me, which is something he never did when we were together cause he said it bore him (even though he would sext with strangers right...) and the first couple times I gave in, but after that I stopped responding and I could sense the agitation. We would be doing fine for a week or so, and then he'd ask for sexual favors and I'd refuse and he would instantly get mad and stop talking to me and treating me like I didn't exist or claim I was harassing him whenever I tried to talk about the kids.
I felt so alone, but I kept trying to reach out to people. I posted on a couple sites on facebook explaining my social anxiety and looking for friends that were patient enough. I actually found a few nice people. Got hit on a couple times by others.
I was trying to reach out to friends more as well and talk to people more, because I knew being isolated the way I was I needed people to talk to everyday, to confide in. And I had distanced myself so much that I had to ease back into it.
My friend Gionni, was one person who I had talked to off and on every once in a while. Mainly DnD as I helped make characters and look things up for him or we chatted about games. Not long after Justin moved out we started talking a lot. He was looking for people to model jewelry he was making out of DnD dice, and asked if I wanted to partake in it. I was nervous but I agreed cause I felt like I needed that confidence boost.
It was innocent mostly at first, we just talked about the things going on in my life, games and just everyday things. But after a while it got more, flirtatious. He sent me flowers by surprise one day, which for that day in particular I actually really needed that boost. He was sweet, and kind. But I wasn't sure what to make of it at first because he lived in Florida, and I was here in Idaho.
We actually had never met. He went to school with my sister and we had a couple friends in common had been facebook friends for 6 years and talked once in a while but we weren't super close. He was like one of those friends that more of an acquaintance but you still call them a friend. But as the days went by and the more we talked, I got close to him and he would always try and make me smile and be my ear when I needed someone. We started talking about him coming to visit me here.
When I mentioned to my stbx husband that he may be coming from out of state, he of course flipped out on me and filed a paper with his lawyer trying to prevent me from having overnight guests of the opposite sex. Which never went anywhere. We had court the following week and going up to that point there was a lot of back and forth between us. He claimed in the 5 years we were together that I never worked more than 4 months. So I guess that 1.5 years at JoAnn never happened. He even tried to claim I was mentally unfit to truly care for the kids and that I was a safety concern.
In court he had the audacity to claim that I should stop breastfeeding our youngest child because it inhibited him from spending quality time with him. And he made up a bunch of lies about me. But thankfully the judge saw through it and we agreed to 14 hours a week visitation.
Lets talk about court papers and all their fucked upness for just a second. So he filed for divorce, and in doing so he asked for full physical custody of the kids with me paying him child support and me having visitation. Now he wanted this for BOTH our biological kids (because our oldest never got adopted so he was a step child with no legal claims). He claimed he always helped me around the house and helped with the kids with whatever they needed. He claimed I refused to work, and turned down two job offers and that I wanted to live off the kids and his money for the rest of my life. He claimed I was a harm to myself and my kids because of my depression and suicidal issues and that the kids are not safe in my care without supervision. He even went as far as to deny everything he has ever done, from spanking, to using a belt on our oldest, to punching holes in the walls and shooting the window with a gun. All of which I had actual evidence of.
He claimed the police report and incident from the previous July was bogus and that I tripped on a baby carrier and he tried to catch me and I fell and subsequently bruised my chest. Even though he presented the actual report and it said none of that in there, just that I didn't want to press charges at that time.
The only evidence he presented was text messages between his mom and myself, talking about cutting myself and being so depressed I didn't want to live anymore. Because at the time I thought I could trust her. He also had a post about me not having my drivers license, and got that from having someone stalk my facebook page. Even though my family sent money 4 times for me to get it and he spent it on himself, preventing me from doing so. But at the time of court I had my license so that argument wasn't even valid anymore.
On my end, I put out statements from my apartment about the window shooting and the holes in the walls. I put out pictures of the text messages between me and him for the last year, conversation with my mom about things he was doing to the kids, conversations with my friend the day I had our son. The texts from him calling me petty for refusing to please him as well as a 42 page timeline of events from the beginning of our relationship till now. Pretty much every single bad event that has ever happened was in there and then some. I even had a counselor statement from the therapist we went to together about his porn addiction and the fact that it was obvious he had some kind of personality issue (narcissism).
I was trying to fight to relocate with the kids back to California. I had a back up plan in place in case I couldn't. I had put in an application for low income housing, and I had budgeted for how I was going to live because I knew the child support amount but the kids actually got separate money from another source, and I didn't want to rely on Justin paying things on time because I knew he most likely wouldn't. He was supposed to pay my rent and wasn't doing that on time either.
Court arrived. I had to bring our youngest with us, and had to leave a few times to feed him. The judge told him outright she wasn't going to, and neither should anyone else, tell me that I have to stop nursing the baby. She seemed angered he'd even suggest it. She denied my move, but made sure to note more than once that it wasn't impossible and that she would want it to be a trial motion not a temp one. So that if we took it to trial I could very well be granted it. He was awarded 14 hours a week, no overnights and he had to take the kids needs into consideration. Only 1 2 hour visit wasn't set in stone and we had to work that time out between us each week.
He left and seemed mad, I left happy. I texted him after and asked about the apartment and said I needed my key back and to see about taking his name off utilities, he told me to 'leave me the fuck alone and don't talk to me' and that he'd talk to his lawyer.
I knew he was mad.
The days that followed to mediation were good and bad. We had good weeks and then he would blow up at me for no reason. He tried once to actually do mediation at my house and my neighbors heard him yelling at me from my apartment and commented on how it wasn't ok. He was mad because I outright refused 50/50 and that I was physical primary and he hated that because it meant that the money the kids got outside child support came directly to me and he couldn't touch a dime of it. Which meant he was out about 10 grand a year. And he couldn't stand that thought.
He still would try and get sex from me. And I tried my hardest not to give in, granted it wasn't easy. But thankfully I had someone helping me break free of my mind and his control...
I had to call the cops a couple times because he showed up at my house and refused to leave. He wouldn't take our daughters schedule into consideration and kept wanting to take her during her nap time and when I would refuse, he would get mad and claim I am keeping the kids from him.
Around two weeks after he left, he came by after work to say goodnight to the kids. He started flirting with me and making obscene comments about my body. He felt me up in the kitchen and when I tried to stop him he said I was still his wife, so what harm was there to be intimate with each other. Even though I knew better, I gave in because I was still under his control. Yet, he still refused to talk to me, so I knew he was only using me for sex.
We kept getting into fights over finances and otherwise. He had taken his phone off my account and racked up a bunch of charges he was refusing to pay for.
He has a HUGE money issue. The year previous he bought his car, remember? And then an X_Box one? Well, we were behind on bills at the time then he lost his job. We were playing catch up for months. In December he got a bump in the money he gets quarterly for being alive (I am not going to detail what it is) and he spent almost 700$ on purely video games ALONE in 29 days. Another 300 on fast food, which I didn't eat much of so it was all him. But we barely could afford Christmas that year.
In February, he had his car repossessed because it was four months behind. So that took a big chunk of tax returns. And we had debt collectors at our heels for his medical bills he refused to pay and we got served papers and had to pay those off. And yet he was still buying video games and splurging money. In October he had spent 140$ on third party purchases on our phone account. In March just before he left he charged 60$ from Pokemon GO and I had to pay it because he refused.
He was told by his lawyer that he had to continue paying my bills until court. So thankfully he had no say in that department. But he did constantly complain, because to him I should work and I wasn't 'providing' for my kids, even though it was impossible with zero outside help and child care being so expensive.
My family, thankfully, was able to help me with paying for my lawyer and any of the kids needs. Although it meant selling my step dad's truck, which even though it had been sitting for a while, it was supposed to go to my oldest son. And now instead it was paying for my divorce and custody fight. Kody refused to give me any kind of cash to buy things for the kids and even when I asked for diapers, he would refuse to buy them for me, saying they have some at his house and if I can't afford it maybe I should get a job or let them stay with him. He loved making it seem like I couldn't raise my kids the right way. Or take care of them.
One day I rearranged the living room and he came by to see the kids and saw it and instantly his mood changed and he got pissed at me. It was like he didn't want me to change my life around, and focus still on him without actually being with him.
He kept trying to sext with me, which is something he never did when we were together cause he said it bore him (even though he would sext with strangers right...) and the first couple times I gave in, but after that I stopped responding and I could sense the agitation. We would be doing fine for a week or so, and then he'd ask for sexual favors and I'd refuse and he would instantly get mad and stop talking to me and treating me like I didn't exist or claim I was harassing him whenever I tried to talk about the kids.
I felt so alone, but I kept trying to reach out to people. I posted on a couple sites on facebook explaining my social anxiety and looking for friends that were patient enough. I actually found a few nice people. Got hit on a couple times by others.
I was trying to reach out to friends more as well and talk to people more, because I knew being isolated the way I was I needed people to talk to everyday, to confide in. And I had distanced myself so much that I had to ease back into it.
My friend Gionni, was one person who I had talked to off and on every once in a while. Mainly DnD as I helped make characters and look things up for him or we chatted about games. Not long after Justin moved out we started talking a lot. He was looking for people to model jewelry he was making out of DnD dice, and asked if I wanted to partake in it. I was nervous but I agreed cause I felt like I needed that confidence boost.
It was innocent mostly at first, we just talked about the things going on in my life, games and just everyday things. But after a while it got more, flirtatious. He sent me flowers by surprise one day, which for that day in particular I actually really needed that boost. He was sweet, and kind. But I wasn't sure what to make of it at first because he lived in Florida, and I was here in Idaho.
We actually had never met. He went to school with my sister and we had a couple friends in common had been facebook friends for 6 years and talked once in a while but we weren't super close. He was like one of those friends that more of an acquaintance but you still call them a friend. But as the days went by and the more we talked, I got close to him and he would always try and make me smile and be my ear when I needed someone. We started talking about him coming to visit me here.
When I mentioned to my stbx husband that he may be coming from out of state, he of course flipped out on me and filed a paper with his lawyer trying to prevent me from having overnight guests of the opposite sex. Which never went anywhere. We had court the following week and going up to that point there was a lot of back and forth between us. He claimed in the 5 years we were together that I never worked more than 4 months. So I guess that 1.5 years at JoAnn never happened. He even tried to claim I was mentally unfit to truly care for the kids and that I was a safety concern.
In court he had the audacity to claim that I should stop breastfeeding our youngest child because it inhibited him from spending quality time with him. And he made up a bunch of lies about me. But thankfully the judge saw through it and we agreed to 14 hours a week visitation.
Lets talk about court papers and all their fucked upness for just a second. So he filed for divorce, and in doing so he asked for full physical custody of the kids with me paying him child support and me having visitation. Now he wanted this for BOTH our biological kids (because our oldest never got adopted so he was a step child with no legal claims). He claimed he always helped me around the house and helped with the kids with whatever they needed. He claimed I refused to work, and turned down two job offers and that I wanted to live off the kids and his money for the rest of my life. He claimed I was a harm to myself and my kids because of my depression and suicidal issues and that the kids are not safe in my care without supervision. He even went as far as to deny everything he has ever done, from spanking, to using a belt on our oldest, to punching holes in the walls and shooting the window with a gun. All of which I had actual evidence of.
He claimed the police report and incident from the previous July was bogus and that I tripped on a baby carrier and he tried to catch me and I fell and subsequently bruised my chest. Even though he presented the actual report and it said none of that in there, just that I didn't want to press charges at that time.
The only evidence he presented was text messages between his mom and myself, talking about cutting myself and being so depressed I didn't want to live anymore. Because at the time I thought I could trust her. He also had a post about me not having my drivers license, and got that from having someone stalk my facebook page. Even though my family sent money 4 times for me to get it and he spent it on himself, preventing me from doing so. But at the time of court I had my license so that argument wasn't even valid anymore.
On my end, I put out statements from my apartment about the window shooting and the holes in the walls. I put out pictures of the text messages between me and him for the last year, conversation with my mom about things he was doing to the kids, conversations with my friend the day I had our son. The texts from him calling me petty for refusing to please him as well as a 42 page timeline of events from the beginning of our relationship till now. Pretty much every single bad event that has ever happened was in there and then some. I even had a counselor statement from the therapist we went to together about his porn addiction and the fact that it was obvious he had some kind of personality issue (narcissism).
I was trying to fight to relocate with the kids back to California. I had a back up plan in place in case I couldn't. I had put in an application for low income housing, and I had budgeted for how I was going to live because I knew the child support amount but the kids actually got separate money from another source, and I didn't want to rely on Justin paying things on time because I knew he most likely wouldn't. He was supposed to pay my rent and wasn't doing that on time either.
Court arrived. I had to bring our youngest with us, and had to leave a few times to feed him. The judge told him outright she wasn't going to, and neither should anyone else, tell me that I have to stop nursing the baby. She seemed angered he'd even suggest it. She denied my move, but made sure to note more than once that it wasn't impossible and that she would want it to be a trial motion not a temp one. So that if we took it to trial I could very well be granted it. He was awarded 14 hours a week, no overnights and he had to take the kids needs into consideration. Only 1 2 hour visit wasn't set in stone and we had to work that time out between us each week.
He left and seemed mad, I left happy. I texted him after and asked about the apartment and said I needed my key back and to see about taking his name off utilities, he told me to 'leave me the fuck alone and don't talk to me' and that he'd talk to his lawyer.
I knew he was mad.
The days that followed to mediation were good and bad. We had good weeks and then he would blow up at me for no reason. He tried once to actually do mediation at my house and my neighbors heard him yelling at me from my apartment and commented on how it wasn't ok. He was mad because I outright refused 50/50 and that I was physical primary and he hated that because it meant that the money the kids got outside child support came directly to me and he couldn't touch a dime of it. Which meant he was out about 10 grand a year. And he couldn't stand that thought.
He still would try and get sex from me. And I tried my hardest not to give in, granted it wasn't easy. But thankfully I had someone helping me break free of my mind and his control...
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